Don’t Talk About It! Do It!

(re-posted from my old blog, skpsycho.wordpress.com)

In response to the critique of the psychiatric medications, many people try to discredit the effectiveness of psychotherapy. In math this is called ex adverso, or proof by contradiction; when one is unable to prove his rightness, he tries instead to prove that his opponent is wrong. But in math this approach is used very carefully, and only with two mutually exclusive hypotheses. In psychiatry, as in politics, the presumed mutual exclusiveness of the poles is only an illusion, a classic “choice without choice”. If you’re asked to choose between a coffee from McDonalds and from Dunkin Donuts, then you’re screwed if what you really wanted was a good coffee, or a tea, or if, for that matter, you were not thirsty at all.

Notwithstanding the bias behind the statement, if someone says to me that psychotherapy doesn’t work, I will probably agree. Because the person saying so is most likely referring to the classic American understanding of psychotherapy: “talk therapy.” It is just what it says: two people talk about the problems of one of them. I carry no illusions about such therapy, in part for reasons that I have discussed elsewhere. In my opinion, the majority of people who benefit from talk therapy belong to one of the two categories: those whose problems are so insignificant that they can be helped by a sincere conversation with any intelligent being (and they should really go talk to their friends instead), and those who don’t want to change anything in their life and prefer to use the therapist as a kind of garbage can for their perpetually accumulating waste.

Fundamentally, all that the stereotypical talk therapy can do is generate new words. It allows the client to verbalize his feelings, give coherent definitions to his problems, and re-formulate his “wrong” principles in a different way. If the therapy is successful, the client can gain insight (which is learn to describe his internal happenings in words), reach new understanding (which is improve the wordings of his personal law-book of life) and, hopefully, achieve the improvement (which is also a word).

The whole system is based on a presumption that if you say the right words, the right doings will follow. But the universe doesn’t quite work this way. The acknowledgment of your sins by itself doesn’t cure those who suffer from them, nor does it teach you to live your life differently. To define and describe yourself as kind and balanced a person is not quite the same as to become one in reality; no more so then proclaiming yourself a violinist teaches you to play.

In fact, it works in exactly the opposite way. The more you talk, the less you’re able to do. Moreover, filling your head with the nicely-formulated verbal solutions to your problems discourages you from seeking the real, nonverbal solutions. Planning the future prevents you from perceiving the present. Conceptualizing your experiences spoils all the fun. Producing the more and more elaborate descriptions of your life leaves you no time to actually live it.

Good therapy, therefore, should be more like teaching, or coaching; the art being taught, the art of living. A good coach, does not talk much with his students; his role is to motivate them and gently correct their mistakes while they practise, practise, and practise. There’s no point in having conversations about the art of swimming; one simply needs to get into the water, and swim until he does it well. It may help to have a responsible adult nearby at first to save you if you lose control; but once you’re resuscitated, there’s no need to discuss it for too long - simply jump into the water and try again. The danger of talking about it too much is that eventually you may become completely convinced that you are capable of swimming. With this conviction under your belt you will proudly drown in the first real river on your way.

Don’t talk about it! Do it. Don’t verbalize your feelings; feel them. Don’t acknowledge that you’re bad; become good. Don’t apologize; start behaving differently. Don’t thank; accept. Don’t seek the correct definitions; definition is just a word.

If you don’t have a Zen master nearby as you’re reading this, take something heavy from your desk and, without saying what it is, hit yourself on your head.